Intended for Harm by C. S. Lakin

Author:C. S. Lakin [Lakin, C. S.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2012-02-09T04:30:00+00:00

Rachel sat in her garden, her face turned to the warm October sun, but the warmth only touched her skin. Inside, a chilling fear lingered, sending out icy tentacles that clutched her heart. Why, God, why? They had been so careful, and she had hoped, prayed, that she was wrong, that she was only late, but when she rose this morning and barely made it to the toilet before heaving, she knew. She wanted to pray for God to make her miscarry, for she knew she could never abort, never kill a life growing inside her, but felt guilty even considering that wish. Children were a gift from God. If he wanted her to have another child, who was she to argue? But it frightened her, regardless. Her doctor had been adamant. Lectured her and Jake many times, even after Joey had been born. How the danger was too great; she’d almost died last time, even under strict care, taking every precaution. Another pregnancy would be the death of her. Or so he believed.

But maybe this time would be different. Maybe she’d been meant to go through such a fearful experience with Joey’s birth, something that had brought Jake closer to her, bound them together, knitted their love, the way a near tragedy often did. God had used that, in a big way, and Rachel didn’t regret one moment of discomfort, for it served a greater purpose. And through it all produced Joey, her son such a special gift from God. Yes, it had been worth all the anguish, and she just needed to trust God now, as well.

Even so, she would hold off telling Jake. It was possible she could lose this baby. One in four pregnancies ended in miscarriage. And if not, well, she had many months before she would show. She hadn’t been too sick with Joey, so maybe she could keep this to herself, at least for a while, until she adjusted, saw her doctor, made sure she took her supplements and could convince Jake that everything was fine and she’d be all right. That he needn’t worry. Surely, she thought, she would do enough worrying for the both of them, but she could hide that as well.

She sat there, willing her knees to stop shaking, redirected her thoughts into prayer, asking God for health and strength, for discernment and a way to mollify Jake. For she knew what he would say and how he would react. Still . . . she allowed the sweet desire for a baby wiggle through her resolute determination to stay detached, unemotional, unswayed. How could she help it? Already she noticed the shift, her body awakened to this new life within her, secreting hormones and honing every cell, every nerve, to alter course, make room for this child. Oh, how her heart cried out for this baby, longed to once more hold an infant in her arms. Her other children were so big, independent. Even Dinah had drifted from her

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